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- Subject: Hacker Barbie
- From: Andrew Rodenhiser
- Date: Sat, 8 Jun 1996 15:11:17 AST
And on that note...
[OECC: All members of Plumtree own Barbie dolls. Jennifer Pierce of
Jale and I were in the same Calculus 2000 class. And she probably
did better than I did.]
LOS ANGELES - Mattel announces their new line of Barbie products, the
"Hacker Barbie." These new dolls will be released next month. The
aim of these dolls is to revert the stereotype that women are
numerophobic, computer-illiterate, and academically challenged.
This new line of Barbie dolls comes equipped with Barbie's very own
xterminal and UNIX documentation as well as ORA's "In a Nutshell"
series. The Barbie is robed in a dirty button-up shirt and a pair of
worn- out jeans with Casio all-purpose watches and thick glasses
that can set ants on fire. Pocket protectors and HP calculators
optional. The new Barbie has the incredible ability to stare at the
screen without blinking her eyes and to go without eating or
drinking for 12 hours straight. Her vocabulary mainly consists of
technical terms such as "IP address," "TCP/IP," "kernel," "NP-
complete," and "Alpha AXP's."
"We are very excited about this product," said John Olson, Marketting
Executive, "and we hope that the Hacker Barbie will offset the damage
incurred by the mathophobic Barbie." A year ago, Mattel released
Barbie dolls that say, "Math is hard," with condescending companions
Ken. The Hacker Barbie's Ken is an incompetent consultant who
frequently asks Barbie for help.
The leading feminists are equally excited about this new line of
Barbie dolls. Naomi Wuuf says, "I believe that these new dolls will
finally terminate the notion that women are inherently inferior when
it comes to mathematics and the sciences. However, I feel that Ken's
hierarchical superiority would simply reinforce the patriarchy and
oppress the masses." Mattel made no comment.
Parents, however, are worried that they would become technologically
behind by comparison to the children when the Hacker Barbie comes
out. "My daughter Jenny plays with the prototype Hacker Barbie over
yonder for two days," says Mrs. Mary Carlson of Oxford, Mississippi,
"and as y'all know, she now pays my credit card bill. Ain't got no
idea how she duz it, but she surely duz it. I jus don't wanna be
looked upon as a dumb mama." Mattel will be offering free training
courses for those who purchase the Hacker Barbie.
The future Hacker Barbie will include several variations to deal
with the complex aspects of Barbie. "Hacker Barbie Goes to Jail"
will teach computer ethics to youngsters, while "BARB1E R1TES L1KE
BIFF!!!" will serve as an introduction to expository writing.