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Hacker Barbie

And on that note...

[OECC: All members of Plumtree own Barbie dolls.  Jennifer Pierce of 
Jale and I were in the same Calculus 2000 class.  And she probably 
did better than I did.]

LOS ANGELES - Mattel announces their new line of Barbie products, the
"Hacker Barbie." These new dolls will be released next month. The 
aim of these dolls is to revert the stereotype that women are 
numerophobic, computer-illiterate, and academically challenged.

This new line of Barbie dolls comes equipped with Barbie's very own
xterminal and UNIX documentation as well as ORA's "In a Nutshell" 
series.  The Barbie is robed in a dirty button-up shirt and a pair of 
worn- out jeans with Casio all-purpose watches and thick glasses 
that can set ants on fire.  Pocket protectors and HP calculators 
optional. The new Barbie has the incredible ability to stare at the 
screen without blinking her eyes and to go without eating or 
drinking for 12 hours straight. Her vocabulary mainly consists of 
technical terms such as "IP address," "TCP/IP," "kernel," "NP-
complete," and "Alpha AXP's."

"We are very excited about this product," said John Olson, Marketting
Executive, "and we hope that the Hacker Barbie will offset the damage
incurred by the mathophobic Barbie." A year ago, Mattel released 
Barbie dolls that say, "Math is hard," with condescending companions 
Ken. The Hacker Barbie's Ken is an incompetent consultant who 
frequently asks Barbie for help.

The leading feminists are equally excited about this new line of 
Barbie dolls. Naomi Wuuf says, "I believe that these new dolls will 
finally terminate the notion that women are inherently inferior when 
it comes to mathematics and the sciences. However, I feel that Ken's 
hierarchical superiority would simply reinforce the patriarchy and 
oppress the masses." Mattel made no comment.

Parents, however, are worried that they would become technologically 
behind by comparison to the children when the Hacker Barbie comes 
out. "My daughter Jenny plays with the prototype Hacker Barbie over 
yonder for two days," says Mrs. Mary Carlson of Oxford, Mississippi, 
"and as y'all know, she now pays my credit card bill. Ain't got no 
idea how she duz it, but she surely duz it. I jus don't wanna be 
looked upon as a dumb mama." Mattel will be offering free training 
courses for those who purchase the Hacker Barbie.

The future Hacker Barbie will include several variations to deal 
with the complex aspects of Barbie. "Hacker Barbie Goes to Jail" 
will teach computer ethics to youngsters, while "BARB1E R1TES L1KE 
BIFF!!!" will serve as an introduction to expository writing.